I Asked Santa for Opened Windows

Well the lights are still glowing in our house.....our decorations don't come down for another week or so.  We just love them up, so we wait as long as we can to take them down.  :D  We had an AMAZING Christmas this year!!!!  I can't express into words how connected I felt with my Family this year.  It was wonderful and I know the kids enjoyed every minute of it.  Even Kaden seemed more into the whole spending time with the Family idea. 
One thing we all realized is his complete lack of interest in "toys".  I know I should be thrilled....less to buy and less to clean up after.  But, a piece of me has always felt sad that he doesn't enjoy things typical 5 year old boys do.  Skylar would have Loved all the car tracks, legos and action figures that Kaden has.  We were unable to buy them for him when he was young.  Maybe that is a part of what makes me feel so sad about it all. 

I recently asked myself what it is that I'm really upset about.  Why does it bother me?????  Simply enough it's just the fact that I feel like I don't know how to get into his world.  Skylar and I could play cars or build lego cities for hours.  We could color together or play a board game with no melt downs.  I could relate to him in many ways.  If I felt like we weren't connected I could take him to the park or movie and get right back on track.  But, with Kaden I can't do that.  He shows little affection or even little acknowledgement to us most days and the messed up thing is I can't even bribe him with toys, outings, candy or anything for that matter.
If none of that "typical" crap is going to work, how the heck am I going to get into his world?  He wont let me in and I feel so out of place with him.  Mahala and Skylar I have a place, I know where I fit in.  I feel so selfish even writing this out and that sucks, but I'm just getting it all off my chest. 

So, this Christmas I didn't buy him "typical" toys that I saw in ads and magazines for his age group.  Instead I thought about the things that Kaden enjoys and needs sensory wise.  I bought strategy type board games, anything that lights up or makes repetitive sounds, science kits, anything glow in the dark or had to do with the planets and stars.  I had a different frame of mind this year.  I always think back to when I was Mahala's age and the things I liked when I shop for her and it works out, most of the time.  But, with Kaden I have to shift my thoughts a bit. 
It may seem ridiculous, but several times since Kaden's diagnosis I have went through many times of grieving.  I don't know how else to put it.  I mean I know I have my children and I'm very thankful and feel blessed.  But, just like when I was diagnosed with Lupus, I went through these periods of oh my goodness I will never be able to do this again or feeling the loss of certain abilities I once had.  So, I have had these moments several times about Kaden and his Autism.
I'm trying to shift my thought process now and trying to look at all the opened windows that are there for him even if there are doors that are shut now.  Every day I realize more and more the challenges ahead for him will work out just fine, I just have to change my way of thinking and expectations.  I have to use that window and not let the closed door seem like such a bad thing all the time.

It's Just Tradition

Has is really been this long?  I am amazed and words can't express right now how odd it is that I haven't even thought to write anything down.  Christmas time around here is a whirl wind.  But, in a good way.  A total good way, I love this time of the year,  Because while some people may get overwhelmed or feel like both ends of their candle is melting away.  I squeal in delight each day going from one tradition to the next.   We have Christmas down to a science, for lack of a better word.

And even though we tend to do the same things over and over, year after year.  There is this feel of comfort and newness.  Like we make ornaments every single year, but each year the ornaments change, the ideas evolve on how to make them and who they are being made for. 


 One of our traditions each year is to make a Christmas chain to count down the days till the BIG DAY!  And every link has a craft or family activity to do.  It can be as simple as taking a walk together before dinner or a game night.  One of the kid's favorites is sleeping under the tree.  They love that and they love making the ornaments and kids get to cook night!!  Hey, I like that one too!!!!  This year we also did a dessert for breakfast day.  Nobody complained that morning!  HAHAHA

 We decorated pin-cones this year, which was something that we had not done in a few years.  So, it was nice to add something new.  Skylar made the Rudolf pine-cone!

 And of course we do gingerbread house each year.  And every year they come up with new designs and challenge to put upon each other.  The time we spend as a family together, working and playing I feel is the glue that bonds us together.  And the Holidays is a perfect time to set the tone for the beginning of the new year to come.
Even though the baking, wrapping, decorating and craft planning is a lot to do.  If you go into without the expectation of perfection you will appreciate what a gift the Holidays can be to your Family.  Yes, I love things to be done right and the ornaments hung just so.  But, I would rather see a tree with no ornaments on it's left side in order to hear the laughter of my kids reminiscing over their homemade ornaments any day!!!
It makes my Life worth it!